Let me be clear. I don't pray.
That comes from a resistance of being selfish, and doubt of being worthy. "How can I possibly ask for anything else?" Add to that, the fact that I am too open or too curious to stick to one religion, one practice, one way. I've locked myself into catholic monasteries and buddhist ashrams with the same devotion and lack of commitment, just as a temporary visitor. The excuse that serves me best, is the need to let my spirit wander and wonder as it pleases.
But there are moments when my spirit comes across something so deeply true that it makes me fall on my knees. In an instant I become humble. And for the first time I can dare to utter a prayer. What matters is that I got to this place. What took me there, doesn't. Because it only works for me, anyway. You must find your own achilles heel that will make you bow.
Let me be clear, I still don't pray. But from now on
I am prayer.
I'll leave you at the door. Only you can allow yourself in. Take this prayer-map. I hope it guides you to a place you've always known.
Prayer of entry
I am now entering my sacred cell. I am closing the door and forbid all outside influences from entry into this sovereign space. I am now alone with the divine.
I embrace contemplation so I can hear the call of my own divinity. My heart clears my soul of any fear of my own immortality, and of any fear of my own truth, because it's all this heart now knows.
My need for safety and understanding I now surrender. I release the need to know, just as I release the need to let others know they've harmed me. I can surrender because I've witnessed the inability to be abandoned by that which is unmanifested on this manifested world.
I gracefully carry this knowing that I am cared for and will never create my life alone. Every call is heard. And every call is answered. I am prayer as I unmistakably touch the unmanifested with my silence. I am grace as I unmistakably touch the manifested with my kindness.
From this sacred cell within my silence I am in the intimate presence of the divine. It's voice is the only I can now hear. It's face is the only I can now recognize.
So be it. So it is.