This week I caved in. Fear took over me and I caught myself paralyzed AGAIN. No O2. No H either. No water. It was a stillness that goes against everything my fluid body is. Not only from fear itself but mostly from the sheer guilt of: "you did it again: you let fear come over you." But the more I try to ignore it or the more I fight it, the more it takes over a part of me. All of me! So I can only do one thing. Recognize that fear is in the room. It just crashed my party and I have to walk up to it and say: Oh, Hello. FUCK YOU. Now, come dance with me." You hold it tight. You turn it around. You push it and let it go. Just to pull it close to you again. You shake it and you spin it. You face it and declare: this is now a dance. And that's the only way I allow you to be with me. Because i know you will stick around. You will be there, no matter what I do. So, May I have this dance?
As others brilliantly described it better than I ever will:
" Fear is a universal experience. Even the smallest insect feels it. We wade in the tidal pools and put our finger near the soft, open bodies of sea anemones and they close up. Everything spontaneously does that. It’s not a terrible thing that we feel fear when faced with the unknown. It is part of being alive, something we all share. We react against the possibility of loneliness, of death, of not having anything to hold on to. Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth. ~ Pema Chödron.