past tense

It took me a while to be able to say: "I have cancer." It would come out in a low tone. Eyes down. Words half trapped in my throat. As the treatment went on I didn't have to say it. It was obvious. My body said "I have cancer" for me. It was present. Since surgery, cancer has been ripped out of my body. It is in the past tense. "I had cancer." Grammatically is a simple shift, emotionally is a 180*. It is taking me a while to be able to say "I had cancer." As treatment is ending I have to say it. It is not obvious. My body needs to hear "I had cancer" from me. In a strong pitch. Looking straight in the eye. Words loud and clear. "I had cancer." It's in past tense.